Cost Plus Technologies

Products Careers Team News Outreach How to Buy About Contact Shop

Products News About Shop

Careers

Accreditation

Ethics & Compliance

Responsible AI

Legal Disclaimers

Staff Portal

Obviously, this is satire. Cost Plus Technologies is not a real defense contractor. Any resemblance to actual defense contractors, their products, or their marketing materials is purely coincidental and/or the result of pattern recognition. No actual weapons systems were harmed in the making of this website. Please don't take any of this seriously. We certainly don't.

Heritage Systems | Cost Plus Technologies | Cost Plus Technologies

Products

›

Heritage Systems

14 systems

Proven technology from a simpler time.

Search within this area ← All capability areas

Stealth-Coated Carrier Pigeons

For when you need to send a message the old-fashioned way, but with a modern twist.

S.U.N.D.I.A.L.

The S.U.N.D.I.A.L. harnesses ancient celestial mechanics for unparalleled, solar-powered positional accuracy, completely impervious to modern threats. Optimal performance is rigorously assured, provided a clear day and a persistently stationary target.

TYPEWRITER

Marketed as the 'ultimate cyber-secure document generation platform,' the T.Y.P.E.W.R.I.T.E.R. boasts zero digital footprint and offers physical, unalterable hard copies for critical intelligence. Its 'manual data input mechanism' ensures no accidental AI interference, just guaranteed operator fatigue.

T.R.E.B.U.C.H.E.T.

The T.R.E.B.U.C.H.E.T. is a state-of-the-art kinetic energy projection system, designed for maximum kinetic effect and minimal digital footprint, ensuring operational dominance in contested environments.

MAGNETO

The M.A.G.N.E.T.O. is a revolutionary data storage solution that harnesses the power of magnetic tape reels from the 1970s, guaranteeing unparalleled air-gapped security and data longevity for classified information.

P.A.P.Y.R.U.S.

Our state-of-the-art P.A.P.Y.R.U.S. system utilizes secure, paper-based communications, leveraging centuries of proven scroll technology to deliver unhackable, hard-copy intelligence with zero digital footprint. Each unit comes with a team of highly-trained scribes and a fire-resistant sarcophagus for data storage.

FLOPPY

The F.L.O.P.P.Y. system leverages time-tested magnetic media to provide unparalleled air-gapped data security, ensuring mission-critical information arrives exactly where you need it, by any means necessary.

SLIDE RULE

The S.L.I.D.E. R.U.L.E. is a robust, non-electronic computational device meticulously engineered for precise, secure, and analog ballistic trajectory calculations, rendering it fundamentally impervious to all known forms of cyber warfare and electromagnetic pulse attacks.

TELEGRAPH System

Leveraging a time-tested methodology, the T.E.L.E.G.R.A.P.H. system delivers robust, unjammable communications, ensuring command and control persistence across any contested domain. Its inherently simple architecture guarantees unparalleled operational resilience, even after critical infrastructure collapse.

Page 1 of 2