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Obviously, this is satire. Cost Plus Technologies is not a real defense contractor. Any resemblance to actual defense contractors, their products, or their marketing materials is purely coincidental and/or the result of pattern recognition. No actual weapons systems were harmed in the making of this website. Please don't take any of this seriously. We certainly don't.

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Product Catalog

11 products found in Heritage Systems

Stealth-Coated Carrier Pigeons

For when you need to send a message the old-fashioned way, but with a modern twist.

MAGNETO

The M.A.G.N.E.T.O. is a revolutionary data storage solution that harnesses the power of magnetic tape reels from the 1970s, guaranteeing unparalleled air-gapped security and data longevity for classified information.

FLOPPY

The F.L.O.P.P.Y. system leverages time-tested magnetic media to provide unparalleled air-gapped data security, ensuring mission-critical information arrives exactly where you need it, by any means necessary.

SLIDE RULE

The S.L.I.D.E. R.U.L.E. is a robust, non-electronic computational device meticulously engineered for precise, secure, and analog ballistic trajectory calculations, rendering it fundamentally impervious to all known forms of cyber warfare and electromagnetic pulse attacks.

TELEGRAPH System

Leveraging a time-tested methodology, the T.E.L.E.G.R.A.P.H. system delivers robust, unjammable communications, ensuring command and control persistence across any contested domain. Its inherently simple architecture guarantees unparalleled operational resilience, even after critical infrastructure collapse.

R.O.T.A.R.Y. D.I.A.L.

A secure, off-grid communication system leveraging time-tested landline protocols for unparalleled reliability and redundancy in hostile electromagnetic environments. It's not just communication; it's a commitment to historical operational paradigms.

P.U.N.C.H. C.A.R.D.

A robust, air-gapped data storage and retrieval system utilizing hardened paper substrate for absolute immunity to cybernetic incursions and electromagnetic pulse events.

A.B.A.C.U.S.

Leveraging tactile, non-electronic computation, this innovative system provides precise, EMP-proof artillery targeting, ensuring total operational resilience against all modern cyber threats. Its zero-power requirement makes it ideal for prolonged engagements, guaranteeing mission-critical accuracy in any contested environment.

R.O.L.O.D.E.X.

The R.O.L.O.D.E.X. is a state-of-the-art, manually indexed information retrieval and dissemination system, offering unparalleled 'air-gapped' data security by existing entirely in physical space. This robust, EMP-proof solution guarantees information access even during global grid collapse, ensuring persistent operational capability.

G.P.O.N.S.

G.P.O.N.S. offers unparalleled autonomous terrestrial navigation, utilizing pre-digital optical recognition and magnetic anomaly detection for a truly off-grid solution. Its rugged design ensures performance even during solar flares and cyberattacks, safeguarding critical mission parameters from external dependencies.

C.B.O.L.O.S. Secure Mainframe

Re-engineered from battle-tested 1960s architecture, C.B.O.L.O.S. leverages proven mainframe stability to guarantee unmatched vulnerability through obscurity. It's so old, hackers don't even know where to begin.