← Back to Careers
Business Development
Senior Executive Director of Pre-emptive Post-Conflict Resource Repositioning
The successful candidate will lead initiatives to proactively address future market opportunities arising from hypothetical global destabilization. This role is crucial for ensuring Cost Plus Technologies maintains its competitive edge in the perpetual conflict solutions sector while maximizing shareholder value through creative procurement strategies.
Responsibilities
•
Develop and execute proactive kinetic resource deployment strategies across emerging threat vectors, ensuring optimal expenditure of taxpayer funds and robust quarterly earnings.
•
Cultivate and maintain strategic alliances with key adversarial nations to ensure a consistent demand for our cutting-edge, perpetually upgrading defense systems.
•
Negotiate complex multi-billion-dollar contracts with sovereign entities, ensuring maximum cost-plus margins and minimal oversight from pesky governmental watchdogs.
•
Identify and exploit novel conflict-generating methodologies, transforming geopolitical friction into lucrative long-term revenue streams for the corporation.
•
Oversee the conceptualization and initial funding rounds for future-war scenarios, ensuring Cost Plus Technologies is always on the bleeding edge of plausible deniability and conflict escalation.
•
Provide regular, highly redacted briefings to executive leadership on impending global crises, carefully curating data to highlight the indispensability of our solutions.
•
Architect robust lobbying efforts to reclassify 'unnecessary spending' as 'critical national security investments,' optimizing our legislative environment.
Qualifications
•
Minimum 30 years of demonstrable experience in strategic pre-emptive conflict creation and resolution, preferably before the applicant's official birth certificate date.
•
Doctorate in Metaphysical Geopolitical Engineering or equivalent certification from an unaccredited institution with a strong emphasis on speculative future-war economics.
•
Proven ability to operate effectively within an ethical grey area, with a strong preference for candidates who actively define new shades of grey.
•
Fluent in at least three dead languages and proficient in the nuances of bureaucratic double-speak across multiple security agencies.
•
Must possess a verifiable lineage tracing back to at least one major historical figure known for instigating global unrest. Personal accountability is optional.
•
Capacity to withstand prolonged exposure to highly classified, reality-altering information without suffering noticeable psychological degradation or developing inconvenient moral qualms.
•
Possession of a valid pilot's license for experimental atmospheric vehicles, regardless of whether said vehicles actually exist or are purely theoretical.
Interested in This Role?
Cost Plus Technologies is always looking for talented individuals who want to redefine defense procurement through innovative satire.
Contact us at careers@costplustechnologies.com