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Leadership
Chief Ontological Engineering & Narrative Dominance Officer
This pivotal leadership role is responsible for the direct oversight and strategic enhancement of our reality fabrication protocols. The successful candidate will be instrumental in defining, shaping, and occasionally retroactively altering the very fabric of existence to ensure maximal corporate advantage. You will navigate the delicate balance between objective truth and profitable narrative, securing Cost Plus Technologies' preeminent position in all conceivable timelines.
Responsibilities
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Lead the conceptualization, deployment, and perpetual refinement of proprietary Narrative Dominance Protocols across all operational theaters, both terrestrial and meta-dimensional.
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Systematically identify, categorize, and proactively neutralize inconvenient truths, historical anomalies, or emergent realities that may impede corporate growth or public perception.
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Oversee the architectural design, implementation, and continuous optimization of advanced reality-fabrication engines, ensuring seamless integration with existing timeline optimization initiatives.
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Develop and implement bespoke ontological frameworks to manage stakeholder expectations, secure favorable market positioning, and preemptively invalidate competing narratives.
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Provide expert counsel on the ethical (and highly effective) manipulation of collective consciousness and individual perception for maximum strategic advantage.
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Conduct rigorous pre-emptive damage control on nascent realities and alternate futures, ensuring Cost Plus Technologies' influence remains unassailable and unquestioned.
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Liaise with interdimensional compliance officers to ensure our reality-altering endeavors adhere to all applicable pan-universal statutes, or at least appear to do so.
Qualifications
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Ph.D. in Applied Metaphysics, Ontological Engineering, or a closely related field from an institution of your own design or temporal creation.
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Minimum of 15-20 years of progressive experience in reality construction, historical revisionism, or large-scale narrative manipulation across multiple dimensions.
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Proven ability to operate effectively within paradoxes, leverage cognitive dissonance as a strategic asset, and maintain coherence despite frequent causal loop incursions.
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Demonstrated experience in rewriting personal biographies for fun and profit, with verifiable (though perhaps untraceable) references from alternate timelines.
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Must possess an active Top Secret (Quantum Entanglement Certification Required) clearance, or the demonstrable ability to retroactively acquire one before your own conception.
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Exceptional leadership skills, capable of inspiring loyalty in entities that do not physically exist and negotiating with concepts rather than individuals.
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Willingness to occasionally question the fundamental nature of your own existence for the good of the company, with no guaranteed re-integration.
Interested in This Role?
Cost Plus Technologies is always looking for talented individuals who want to redefine defense procurement through innovative satire.
Contact us at careers@costplustech.example