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Leadership
Extradimensional Workforce Optimization Director (SHOGGOTH Platform)
Are you ready to shepherd the unimaginable? Cost Plus Technologies seeks a visionary leader to direct the SHOGGOTH Adaptive Labor Platform, ensuring optimal amorphous output and strategic void-filling. This role involves guiding our most flexible assets toward mission-critical objectives, often beyond the scope of conventional human comprehension.
Responsibilities
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Oversee the strategic deployment and re-deployment of SHOGGOTH units across various geopolitical and extra-dimensional theaters of operation, ensuring maximum entropy dispersion.
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Develop and implement robust Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) for amorphous entities, measuring efficiency in tasks ranging from data aggregation to existential dread propagation.
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Facilitate inter-departmental communication between human leadership and the collective consciousness of the SHOGGOTH, often requiring interpretive dances or psychic projections.
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Ensure compliance with all galactic, terrestrial, and non-Euclidean labor laws, particularly concerning the ethical consumption of sentient protoplasm.
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Conduct regular deep-dive analyses into the SHOGGOTH's adaptive capabilities, identifying new roles it can fill, including, but not limited to, strategic vacuum creation and reality warping.
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Manage budgetary allocations for biomass replenishment, eldritch energy conversion, and preventative sanity maintenance programs for direct reports.
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Serve as the primary liaison for any 'unforeseen architectural modifications' or 'spontaneous molecular reconfigurations' caused by platform operations, drafting appropriate incident reports for inter-dimensional review boards.
Qualifications
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Minimum of 15-20 years of progressive leadership experience in managing non-corporeal or spontaneously-corporeal workforces.
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Ph.D. in Applied Xenolinguistics, Eldritch Economics, or Cthulhuic Studies from an accredited non-Euclidean university.
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Demonstrated ability to maintain composure and organizational effectiveness while confronting existential threats or the sudden onset of cosmic despair.
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Possession of a pristine mental state, capable of resisting psionic manipulation, temporal displacement, and the siren song of forgotten gods (current certification preferred).
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Must be capable of performing advanced bureaucratic tasks while simultaneously experiencing multiple sensory inputs from non-terrestrial sources.
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A proven track record of 'synergizing' disparate biological and non-biological entities into a cohesive, albeit terrifying, operational unit.
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U.S. Citizenship is required, unless exempted by a Class 4 Inter-Dimensional Treaty, in which case proof of non-human sentience may be accepted.
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Familiarity with Project MOKELE-MBEMBE protocols and the latest iterations of the Elder Sign 3.0 security suite is highly desirable.
Related Products
This position works with the following products:
Interested in This Role?
Cost Plus Technologies is always looking for talented individuals who want to redefine defense procurement through innovative satire.
Contact us at careers@costplustechnologies.com